Entropy

Yesterday I started hallucinating in semiotic phenomenology class. I was sitting there listening to people talking but I was seeing two people fucking (reverse cowgirl). I didn't make this image appear, it just came up unbidden. It didn't even last a second. Just a momentary image. A few minutes later, again without any conscious direction on my part, I thought I was in Grand Theft Auto IV. Not playing the game. In it. Snap and gone.

I've had this experience before and know it is a result of sleep deprivation (and, I suppose, the regime of psychotropics I've put my brain through over the years). My main concern was that in this random state I also have random thoughts that I'd be embarassed about vocalizing because they ARE FUCKING RANDOM. Word salad. With ranch.

Other than that I'm ok with it because I know it's gamma waves in my brain and such. It happens to me basically every night as I'm falling asleep. I know that I'm about to go to sleep when the random images start appearing in my head. I go into REM before I actually go to sleep. For reals.

While I was sitting there pushing time towards our break, I had a moment where I felt myself slip into a universe where history was destroyed, language was gone, and we all just were there, in the refuse of civilization, confused as hell. Everything before that moment was a lie. I wasn't really Matt Morris. These people sitting in the room with me weren't really who they said they were. Just a sudden break, where nothing before now had happened. Thrust into consciousness without any context.

During break I walked around a little, smoked a cigarette and drank some caffiene. I could feel my body start to go back into daytime mode and the rest of class passed without incident.

On the way home the wind was fierce. As I walked to the door I was struck by leaves and sand. There were oranges scattered on the grass.

mm

np: The Doors