Reminder

Packing makes me feel very alone. It means I'm leaving a group of people to go join another group of people I'll eventually leave, probably alone again. No one to share the journey with.
I started crying.

Eventually though I realized how selfish my attitude that "no one can ever love me" is, because it really means that I won't accept the love I'm given. It's like I'm telling the people who love me that their love isn't good enough. I'm blinded by my own inability to fill the god-shaped hole in my heart.

The other day I had a conversation with someone I love very much about why writing is important to me and at the time I said it was because I didn't know if I'd ever have kids and wanted to leave something behind. The quest for immortality for someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife. On hindsight I see how selfish that is and remember my real reason, the original reason writing becomes my life:

I want people to read what I write and feel like they aren't alone.

mm