Off the meds

I've decided to start a stream of consciousness blog for July. I'm almost done with my master's thesis. My roommates are out of town. I'm moving to Austin in a month to start my Ph.D. program.

It's a liminal time and I'll have more time alone than I have in a while. Time to write.

I think my thoughts will be worth recording over the next month. For one thing, I quit taking my meds. Just a sec, I want a cigarette.


Ok, so I'm not totally quitting my meds. That could be dangerous. But I'm weaning myself off the Cymbalta. I never wanted to be on it in the first place, but if I quit taking it suddenly I get really moody. I figure having my roommates out of town is a time I might be able to deal with it and the other withdrawal effects (muscle spasms, fucked-up sleep, etc.). I will still take Ativan* as needed to deal with anxiety, which is what I started taking meds for in the first place.

I'm bored with this. I'm gonna go smoke and read.

mm

np: The Beatles, Mindless Self Indulgence, Beck
nr: House of Leaves

*Yes, I know Ativan is pretty addictive. I have already weaned myself down on that, though in the past few days it's been more common...fuck it, one thing at a time.

My dharma

Things you have taught me, or, I might be wrong but I’m still learning.

Warning: reading this may cause discomfort.*

Why is the world so fucked up?
Because the postmodern breakdown of metanarratives leaves us with a lack of ethical foundation. Late capitalism exploits this by manipulating our desires to subjectivize us as selfish consumers: We buy what they tell us we want. This ideal of selfishness perpetuates itself through popular culture, which exploits our insecurities and fears so that we think we want what they tell us. We think that makes us empowered and free. These discursive formations are found in popular music, television and film that provide us with the resources to negotiate our identity within the confines of ideals that are a virtuality, and looked at critically, are pretty shitty ideals. But because we want to think well of ourselves, we project our shadows onto the illusions they provide us, while those illusions reproduce themselves within us subconsciously. Deprived of the ability to consciously encorporate the shadow because of our attachment to an ideal-ego we then manifest the shadow in our presentation of self to others. In other words, we start to obsess about those negative qualities and in order to defend itself, the paranoid ego sees those qualities in others. When we accuse others of having negative qualities it brings attention to those qualities within ourselves.
And all of this only reinforces our selfishness, serving late capitalism. It is in the very act of accepting their definition of power that we loose it. Because when we believe that power is being able to get what you want, we become susceptible to needing what they give. So to get what we want we start to manipulate others, or try to anyway. Which makes us dependent. Because our desire as consumers forces us to validate our egos by constantly shifting our negative aspects onto others while also relying on others to provide us with a concept of self. We form illusions of others to give us a shopping list of qualities we can use them for. These become manifest in ego-ideals, our concept of others as we perceive those others to see our selves. When someone violates those expectations, our threatened ego lashes out to reinforce itself. And that’s why people are shitty to each other.
Also most people are young souls.

What is your solution for the lack of an ethical foundation?
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” allows us to form identification with others that is interdependent, not dependent, because it forces us to equally value others with ourselves. This leads us to a more balanced perception of others in our ego-ideal. Just as you come to understand that you’re not perfect you don’t expect others to be perfect, so you can forgive without having to compromise your concept of self.
“Detachment from the illusion of self.” Don’t attach yourself to the illusions your mind creates, because while these may be reality for you, they only exist in virtuality in relation to the Real. You can never contain the Real within your concepts. For example, any concept you have of another person is simplistic in relation to their actual consciousness. You can’t read minds and other people can’t read yours. You’re human, don’t take yourself too seriously. You’re a delusional ape. So long as you are attached to the illusion of the self, you can only be what they make you. And they try to make you feel bad about yourself so they can have power over you.

But how do you escape the illusions created by late capitalism to enslave you?
The Four Noble Truths. Your disempowerment and dependence is a result of your desire, which is based on a perceived lack within the self that you seek to fill through others. Late capitalism reproduces this perceived lack in order to provide you with products to consume to fulfill your desires. The bourgeois modernist self will always be insecure because it is that insecurity that makes you susceptible to manipulation.
Enlightenment is part comes in the deconstruction of the self/other binary, which results in ego-dissolution and detachment from desire. We are all made of stardust. Manifest in fractal complexity, the materiality of your existence is of one substance with the universe. That which you identify as your self is a temporal consciousness that is as a firing of a single neuron within the cosmic brain.
Ideology is just another way of saying maya. Look it up.

That sounds like hippy bullshit, Matt.
It’s just a metaphor, like monkey brains. You can’t ever tell the Truth, just pass on the dharma as you’ve received it. Dude, I just blew my own mind. Sorry, I’m kind of spaced.

What the fuck are you talking about?
EVOLUTION!

Chill out.
I’m ok now. My point is we need better idols to replace the ones we’ve smashed.

Why do you care what I think?
I don’t.

Where are your citations?
This is a fucking blog.

-mm

* Maybe you don’t like what I say. Maybe because of cognitive dissonance. Maybe because I don’t make any sense. Maybe you just don’t get it. Arrogance used ironically, in deference to Nietzsche, because I think it’s funny.

Education for discussion

This post is revised from an email orginally sent to a private Yahoo! Groups listserv as a response to a discussion among a group of friends who developed a kind of debate society called the Society of Reason at Louisiana State University in Shreveport. Eventually the Society of Reason developed into the Society of Revelry, but many of us continued to stay in touch and share our thoughts, problems, triumphs and general ravings on life.

From the book "The Culture of Narcissism" by Christopher Lasch:

"The whole problem of American education comes down to this:
in American society, almost everyone identifies intellectual
excellence with elitism. This attitude not only guarantees
the monopolization of educational advantages by the few;
it lowers the quality of elite education itself and threatens
to bring about a reign of universal ignorance."

While I don't agree with much of what this book says, because
so much of it is a condemnation of our national culture in ways
that I don't think are valid, I've made this observation before.

In order to serve the needs of all, we water down our educational systems
to a lowest common denominator in order to be "inclusive."

Colleges are now having to make up for deficiencies in our high school
educational system.

The book argues, as I agree, that much of this is because education has
tended to demphasize competition because of the attitude in America today
that competition entails conquering.

But in fact, competition forces us to attain new heights of excellence. And I think
most of us recognize this, but we're narcissistic in so many ways that the very
concept of competition either leads us to some kind of Ayn Randesque Superman
ideal or it reveals our insecurities.


Not all the blame lies with the educational system, because they are having
to pick up slack left by the other traditional cultural institutions that have
been torn apart: family, religion, government, etc.

The problem, to my point of view, is that education has become less about
academic achievement and more about personal development.
And the training of a proletariat to serve the bourgeosie.

So of course, the limitation of the intellectal development of the proles serves
to reinforce the current social order. Instead of intellectual development, schools
are now about socialization and a kind of "I'm ok, you're ok" feel-good fuzzy
esteem boosting. To the point that standards have fallen for fear that those
who are unable to attain the higher standards will be discouraged and it will
affect their self-image.

But self image should be built on a realistic assement of character rather than
the flattery that we try to suffice with in our current cultural conditions.

It is no wonder so many of us are so insecure. We've been lied to so much.

Many educators are concerned about scientific illiteracy, and so am I because
I am by no means well-trained in scientific disciplines but I at least have a
conceptual grasp in my own subjective way of the subjects of science.
The other day I had an experience where I mentioned global warming to
someone and they had no idea what I was talking about.

But of even more concern to me is cultural illiteracy.
While I am a great proponent of multiculturalism - I have made it a point
to study other cultures and take what I can from them - I also feel like our
common cultural heritage as Americans should not be marginalized.
And this includes an understanding of the great thinkers of western civilization.

Instead, we've got Dubbya saying "disassemble, that means lie."
And he's our representative to the rest of the world?
No wonder they think we're morons!

We shouldn't have to sacrifice an understanding of the principles
that are at the foundation of the American ideal in order to be inclusive.
The very fact that the historical, literary and artistic knowledge of so many
people is so lacking scares me.

I believe we need a greater understanding of the humanities because these
are the things that make life worth living.

Plus, a democratic society is depenent on an informed populace in order to
bring us to our greatest potential.

Critical thinking skills are greatly lacking in our society and this makes most
of us vulnerable to manipulation by propaganda because without well-developed
critical thinking skills we're dependent on others to do the thinking for us.
The fact that I can talk to a fellow college graduate and they have no idea
when the French Revolution was is appalling.

Marx critisized the bourgeois society of America because the class warfare
at his time was between the owners of the means of production and
the proletariat, the working class.

What I see coming is a further class division based on cultural capital.
Now, while this may be beneficial to me because I make an effort to develop
my cultural capital, I see it as a problem for society as a whole.

And as a whole, the problem IS cultural.

Because our educational institutions have had to compensate for the
failings of other cultural institutions in the socialization process: religion,
the family, government, etc.
After all, it is these things that formerly allowed us to transcend our egotism
and understand our place as part of a greater whole.

Our lack of scientific understanding may cause us make bad policy choices,
but our lack of understanding of the humanities makes us less human, I believe.

Another part of the problem with the equasion intellectualism = elitism is the
idea that there is a barrier there that most people can't cross.
Now I know I'm not that smart, but I feel like I've been able to cross that barrier.
One of the problems with the dumbing-down of our curriculum is that it serves
the elite by continuing the model of the bourgeosie vs the proletariat by
withholding cultural education from the proles because what has
happened is that we've evolved past the old American dichotomy between
bourgeosie vs proles by creating a new "creative class" that will eventually
subvert the bourgeosie system of rule.

This is the cycle of history.

The ruling class creates the class that will overcome it.
The democratization of information is allowing all of us, no matter our
socio-economic status to develop a greater understanding of the world
than was previously possible.
My only fear is that many of us will squander these opportunities by succumbing
to a mediated lifestyle in which weapons of mass distraction keep us from
critically thinking about the issues of our time.

And too many of us are not equipped with the cultural capital to rise above this,
but it is there for everyone to understand according to their abilities and
this will make for a new societal evolution that I think we're just now beginning
to understand.

All I can do is encourage others to take advantage of these opportunies:
learn your history, political science, psychology, sociology, literature, become
scientifically literate, and accumulate cultural capital in order to have a
shaping role in creating the new society that is developing with our current
information revolution.

And I think everyone is able to achieve this in their own way.

So there is no point in us fearing knowledge or dialectic discourse because
it through this that we are better able to understand what we think and believe.
Our educational problems can really be solved by us casting aside the
resentment of intellectualism and taking responsiblity for our own educations.
We do have it within our power to create our own destinies, but it is
by embracing rather than fearing the "intellectual" that we may make new
paths for ourselves.
I have faith in the ability of everyone to work toward their potential of
intellectual development, but it's a hard road and one that shouldn't be
taken lightly.

Thinkers of the world unite!

-mm